Going naked into the font says something about your openness and vulnerability to whatever God has in store for you. That's a piece of baptismal leadership that is still central today. Our ability to die to self, to be openly vulnerable to the moving of the Spirit, or to God's latest surprise, is a mark of a growing Christian leader. Where has God surprised you lately? - p. 41
++Katherine ends this second unit titled "SHALOM EVERYBODY" by calling to mind that each of us has already made a commitment to establishing peace in our baptismal covenant. That covenant calls us to be peacemakers, to reconcile all people to God and to one another. Any time that we put up roadblocks or divide we are not fulfilling our promise to God, and we are also preventing others from doing so.
Vulnerability to God means being open to the wonderful experiences and challenges that God has in store for us. Most people feel that being vulnerable is a weakness, but in fact it is not just being gullible or setting one's self up to be a willing victim. It is also being open to an intensity of relationship. It is letting God into the very core of ourselves--our hearts, our minds, our souls.
Frequently, we don't want to seem weak, so we don't let God in to do the work that God has in us. How have you seen God trying to work in you? How is God trying to call you to be an instrument of peace in this broken world? How do you struggle with allowing yourself to be vulnerable to God?
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I am probably one of the most gullible person I have ever known. Most people who know me use that as a tool to tease me. I can laugh at that. We all do. I have been duped before, shame on me, but I am a very trusting person. How can trust be a vulnerability?
This one person, someone I have known for many years, cheated me as well as many of his other long time friends. First came disbelief, then extreme anger, now I just feel sorry for the guy, even though he pled innocent in a federal court. He is looking at many years in prison, lost his family and friends, lost the respect he had in the community, and he still thinks he is innocent. He lost my respect. I need to pray for him. I sometimes find that difficult to do. His trial is coming shortly. I wanted to be there, but the anger is no longer driving my feeling the need to be there. He has enough troubles in his life without seeing the face of another one of his victims in the courtroom. Right now, the only reason I would be in the courtroom would be by subpoena. He knows what he did; he knows the cost of what he did. I won’t be there because I have recovered from this. I do try to pray for him. This is how God works in me.
There are incidents in my life where I cannot ever recover. There’s my roadblock. The guilt I feel for not forgiving is huge. I have to get past that. If I never get over this, I know in my heart that I am still doing God’s will by doing what I do everyday of my life. This goes against my baptismal covenant but God still works in me, and I work through Him.
Isn’t it amazing! I have been grappling with this calling that hasn’t been named yet, except to the one person who is so very close to me. Scary as it is, the light seems to be getting brighter as these days go by. Our new Bishop is so very inspirational. And as I read the chapters, think on them, and then write what I thought about, the very next day, and the next day, and the next, I find the answers to some of these thoughts and questions I’ve had because of the readings. It’s like she’s reading my mind, even before I knew what I was questioning. Perhaps this is God, working through her, to get to me. What ever it is, I know I am open to what God has planned for me. It’s a eureka moment!
And here’s where I have the faith. I am not afraid of opening up to God now. When I went to the first service in a church after so many years of not being in a church, the Dean told me first that this is God’s table and we are all welcome, as I said before. And during his sermon, it was like he was talking to me directly. He kept reminding me “Don’t be afraid. Jesus loves you.” And at that service, I fully realized what that meant. Another eureka moment. I kept coming back. How can I be afraid to open up to God knowing that He loves me?
Peace
K.
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